Only in Phoenix
One day, Deven was slaaning a trap down by Chatsworth Centre when he checked
his chommie, Privesh, rying a brand new Hilux.
Privesh pulled up to him with a wide grin.
He tunes Privesh, came way here gazi: 'What kind Privesh, where'd you get that
bakkie?
Looks stylerz and all bru!'
'Sushi gave it to me' Privesh choonz.
'She gave it to you!!! I knew she kind of smaaked you, but a new
Hilux oyo what like that ???'
'Well, Deven, let me choon you what happened hekse: We were driving
out on the gravel road, in the middle of nowhere. Sushi pulled off the
road, ayo she put the bakkie in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the bushes. She
parked the bakkie, jumped out, threw off all her clothes and screams:
'Privesh, take whatever you want'. I swear its a one time offer!
'So I took the bakkie'...
'Privesh, you're blerrie clever, goondu! Her clothes would never
have fitted you!!!
Proudly Indian Girl
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian
too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason", she says loudly "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an
idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American ."
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian
too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason", she says loudly "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an
idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American ."
You know you are Indian
You know you’re Indian when:
1. You unwrap all gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
3. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
4. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or 1 leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real tupperware-only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
7. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride
longer than 15 minutes).
8. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
9. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
10. You majored in engineering, medicine or computers.
11. You live with your parents and you are 30 your parents, or at least in the same
neighborhood.
12. You don't use measuring cups.
13. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
14. Your parents' house is always cold.
15. You reuse teabags.
16. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.
17. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's
midnight.
19. Your parents never go to the movies.
20. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
21. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?"
22. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking
to a distant cousin.
23. No one you're related to is a music major.
24a. You avoid hotels, especially if there is an aquaintance within a 250 km radius of your
destination.
24b. You sleep on their floor.
25. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last
two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs.
26. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is, each man is an expert, especially after the customary 8 glasses of scotch, each stronger than the one before.
27. You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary cutlery set for listening to
a sales pitch on vacation timeshares.
28. You have bedsheets on your sofas.
29. When dining out, your parents think R6 is enough of a tip.
30. You know someone who owns a hotel or a convenience store.
31. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
32. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no matter what she looks like.
33. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.
34. All your tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not
careful.
36. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home.
37. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.
38. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India.
1. You unwrap all gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
3. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
4. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or 1 leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real tupperware-only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
7. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride
longer than 15 minutes).
8. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
9. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
10. You majored in engineering, medicine or computers.
11. You live with your parents and you are 30 your parents, or at least in the same
neighborhood.
12. You don't use measuring cups.
13. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
14. Your parents' house is always cold.
15. You reuse teabags.
16. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.
17. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's
midnight.
19. Your parents never go to the movies.
20. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
21. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?"
22. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking
to a distant cousin.
23. No one you're related to is a music major.
24a. You avoid hotels, especially if there is an aquaintance within a 250 km radius of your
destination.
24b. You sleep on their floor.
25. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last
two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs.
26. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is, each man is an expert, especially after the customary 8 glasses of scotch, each stronger than the one before.
27. You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary cutlery set for listening to
a sales pitch on vacation timeshares.
28. You have bedsheets on your sofas.
29. When dining out, your parents think R6 is enough of a tip.
30. You know someone who owns a hotel or a convenience store.
31. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
32. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no matter what she looks like.
33. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.
34. All your tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not
careful.
36. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home.
37. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.
38. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India.
H'indian Family Tree
Meet the family and this what they do, Dad the bus driver is BUSDEO, he has a couple sons, the one ou is a carpet salesman his name is RUGNATH, his brother the drug addict is GAANJADEAN, the small ou is a boxer his name is CHINSAMY, his friend the astronaut is MOONSAMY, the neighbour that just got of jail for murder is MADURAY, and they bly next to the indian muslim girl who sits under the mango tree, her name is SHAIDA and her best friend who sits under the lemon tree is SOURTREE, but what they don't know is that the indian sniper GUNPATH is checking them out!!!
Indian Men
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on abeautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend time
with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking &
cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look
at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying
to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. What happened to the Indians????
Scroll down......
.
.
.
.
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman!
Charous Request to Santa
1) The Hindi kids Letter:
Dear Santha Dada: please organise me a seiko quartz watch for
christmas, i will be parking for the present, we did not by christmas tree beacause Kaki & Kaka are coming for christmas, therefore we had to save the money for food stamps.
2) The 9yr old Muslim kids Letter:
Dear Sante Claws, please send me a 16valve GTI, so i can drive to the
Esplande, in Durban and park by the Milky Lane, so all the other
babies can check it out, PS do not forget the subs for the system.
3) The 12yr old Coloured Indian (Coloured mom, indian dad)
Lewe Santa my cousin, my gazzie, what's up, do not forget me this
christmas, two pairs white socks, warangler jeans & the a pair of mocks, PS, do not forget the 3 quartz, so i can be a good sumu-terian and share it with my two other bra's.
4) The 6yr old Eas! t Indian (Chinese mom, Asian dad)
Dear Santa Claus, peas bring, for Ching Ling the rite ting, bing Kung
fu sticks, so baby become ninga, then baby fuco daddio cause me eat only curry and not star fry.
5) The 22 yr old Tamil indian (found notably in Chats, Phoenix Plaza)
Dearest Santa Clause, howzit, exsir i am tune-ing the ou-ens there is
no such thing as Santa, but u prove me wrong my swaar, organise me DSTV
without the sim card so i get free sports channel, save me the trouble of going to the 5's.
Dear Santha Dada: please organise me a seiko quartz watch for
christmas, i will be parking for the present, we did not by christmas tree beacause Kaki & Kaka are coming for christmas, therefore we had to save the money for food stamps.
2) The 9yr old Muslim kids Letter:
Dear Sante Claws, please send me a 16valve GTI, so i can drive to the
Esplande, in Durban and park by the Milky Lane, so all the other
babies can check it out, PS do not forget the subs for the system.
3) The 12yr old Coloured Indian (Coloured mom, indian dad)
Lewe Santa my cousin, my gazzie, what's up, do not forget me this
christmas, two pairs white socks, warangler jeans & the a pair of mocks, PS, do not forget the 3 quartz, so i can be a good sumu-terian and share it with my two other bra's.
4) The 6yr old Eas! t Indian (Chinese mom, Asian dad)
Dear Santa Claus, peas bring, for Ching Ling the rite ting, bing Kung
fu sticks, so baby become ninga, then baby fuco daddio cause me eat only curry and not star fry.
5) The 22 yr old Tamil indian (found notably in Chats, Phoenix Plaza)
Dearest Santa Clause, howzit, exsir i am tune-ing the ou-ens there is
no such thing as Santa, but u prove me wrong my swaar, organise me DSTV
without the sim card so i get free sports channel, save me the trouble of going to the 5's.
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